Timid me..

i'm sick of myself sometimes. The older i get, the more timid I become. Still remember during my teenage years where the world is yours and speaking one's mind is so satisfying. You don't practise hypocrisy to your yourself and others. Independence is bliss.

as people grow older and responsibilities pile up, do they get bogged down with their new lives, change their beliefs and act differently too? do they supress their anger and frustrations or just scream their head off when no one's looking?

I hate to be ticked off be it from my parents, hubby..in fact anyone. i will argue my way through to point out what i'm doing is right and of course apologise if i realise that i'm wrong..why have i changed now? why do i let people climb over my head now that I am an adult. why don't i speak up for myself anymore? what have happenned? have I been moulded to a different me by the environment that i'm in or have i done it voluntarily to avoid hostile confrontations?

i tell you what it is. it all comes from this word 'RESPECT'

i realise that i can't bring myself to cut my mom's monthly allowance even though my earnings has decreased substantially. i'm afraid to hurt her feelings and as i feel god will punish me for that.....

i realise that i can't bring myself to defy any of my hubby's wishes as i feel god will punish me if i do that....

i realise that i can't speak up for myself especially to the elderly as i feel that god will punish me if i do that.....

and it is getting more and more difficult for me to do all of the above without being hypocritical to myself..

Why is being good so difficult?