Timid me..

i'm sick of myself sometimes. The older i get, the more timid I become. Still remember during my teenage years where the world is yours and speaking one's mind is so satisfying. You don't practise hypocrisy to your yourself and others. Independence is bliss.

as people grow older and responsibilities pile up, do they get bogged down with their new lives, change their beliefs and act differently too? do they supress their anger and frustrations or just scream their head off when no one's looking?

I hate to be ticked off be it from my parents, hubby..in fact anyone. i will argue my way through to point out what i'm doing is right and of course apologise if i realise that i'm wrong..why have i changed now? why do i let people climb over my head now that I am an adult. why don't i speak up for myself anymore? what have happenned? have I been moulded to a different me by the environment that i'm in or have i done it voluntarily to avoid hostile confrontations?

i tell you what it is. it all comes from this word 'RESPECT'

i realise that i can't bring myself to cut my mom's monthly allowance even though my earnings has decreased substantially. i'm afraid to hurt her feelings and as i feel god will punish me for that.....

i realise that i can't bring myself to defy any of my hubby's wishes as i feel god will punish me if i do that....

i realise that i can't speak up for myself especially to the elderly as i feel that god will punish me if i do that.....

and it is getting more and more difficult for me to do all of the above without being hypocritical to myself..

Why is being good so difficult?

Married people are self-righteous? (Edited version)

My friend commented something to me yesterday that is subjected to debate. In fact I'm still pondering over the matter today. She has a general observation that married people are self-righteous. That 's quite a strong word to use for us married people... don't you think. Luckily.... she's one of those friends that is really close or else I SUE HER!!!! Anyway... i definitely DO NOT AGREE with her comment as me being married myself thinks who the hell am I to tell people that they are morally not right.


I do, however would say that married people tend to be righteous (and not 'self-righteous) because when we tie a knot, we are not only tying the knot with your partner but also with his/her entire clan. Whatever you do will not only affect your partner but also his family too. Especially when you have your own child... that's like a huge responsibility. Do you want your child to follow your bad examples. No way!

I do envy people who do whatever they like even though they're married and have kids. The parents smoke in front of their children, say whatever they like in front of family members, snap and throw tantrums when they're in a bad mood, partying whenever they feel like it, spend their money as their please without thinking of the future .....but seriously what will be the effects of all this?


My hubby ever told me before one day that he's tired. Physically and emotionally due to work. A single man might likely just quit his job and slowly look for another. He can't. He has own family to support. He has lots of friends that he used to hang out with when we used to date. But now... the outings have been very few. Why? He knows that being with his family and working to support them is more important. I think it's just about being married. You automatically know that you just have to better person or try to be one at least. They are just too many things at stake not to be righteous when you have your own family.

Currently listening to
Buddha Bar Vol. 7
By Ravin & David Visan

Parking Woes

I seriously think owning a car is for the rich. I have the car for myself when hubby goes overseas and it is so expensive to drive it. Last Tuesday, I drove to TMC for my regular baby check up. Parking at TMC needs cash. I went to the office after that and I parked at Market Street. I did an hour's work at the office and had lunch at Banquet with Zah. I parked at Market St from 11.45 am till 2 pm and guess what? The parking fees was $10.50. That's like 3 times my daily fare to and from the office by public transport. Luckily I had topped up my cashcard.

The next day, I went to NUH to fetch father from his physiotherapy session. I missed AYE and that's it, I spent nearly 30 minutes on precious petrol to go back to AYE. Sigh....

Lesson no. 1 - Do not drive when you're going anywhere at Raffles Place
Lesson no. 2 - Please be very sure of the route you are going as you will waste lots of expensive petrol when you take the wrong turns

Now....i realise how lucky i am that hubby pays everything relating to the car. hehe..

Gestational Diabetes

My check up today at Dr Kee did not go well. My urine test showed that I had high sugar level in my urine. Polly did a blood test for me and it was 13.3 Wow! That's even higher than my mom's diabetic sugar level. I was very surprised. Must be all the bandung that I have wacked the past one week. No... this cant be. I'm not diabetitic, am I?

I checked on the net look for more info on this. Quite relief to see that there are cases when gestational diabetic occurs during late pregnancy. Ok... so need to worry. Just make sure I control my sugar intake.

the weapons of a woman

Yesterday, I visited the DBS bank at Royal Brother to sell my unit trust. The lady who served me is a relationship manager and I guess her main job is to sell unit trust & insurance policies. We sat at one of the tables. While she was explaining to me, I couldn't help it but to stare at her boobies. She was wearing a consertive suit with a knee length skirt but she's wearing a camisole that is lacy and see through. I cant help thinking if I were a man, I don't think I can concentrate to her sales pitch. This must be her weapon. I'm sure the men will not even realise what they are signing for. He! He!

Yummy Cheesecake

First time I tried making a cheesecake, it's a No Bake Cheesecake. Got the recipe from a newspaper article. Was quite excited to taste after chilling it for 5 hours. It's gooey and felt like jelly in your mouth. This does not taste right! It's suppose to be creamy, not like jelly! must be due to the gelatine. It's too cheesy that 3 mouth ful was enuf to make me puke. Oh well, it ended up in the rubbich chute

I realised then that what I fancy is the baked cheesecake so I searched the Internet and tried the New York Cheesecake. This time round, it was yummylicious!!!!! I made it less sinful by using 'Mainland' cream cheese which is 60% less fat.